When you are cut off from all you know

While I was in my abusive relationship, I was cut off from my family and friends. This happened so slowly, that I did not even realize what was happening at first. So, how is a person cut off from family and friends? Refusing to allow any contact Cutting off phone contact Cutting off letters {either through snail mail or e-mail} […]

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3 Strategies To Move On From Abuser

Last week, I shared 9 strategies when you want to return to the chaos.   But, in addition to longing for the old, unhealthy patterns you may discover that you can’t stop thinking about the man you left behind. After all, you were together for years, you loved him, you may have children together, you have a past, and love does […]

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9 Strategies When You Want to Return to the Chaos

If you’ve recently left a difficult situation or relationship, do you find yourself longing to return to the chaos? I know, that sounds like a silly question. However, the situation had become so engrained in me and I had been so brain washed by the controlling of my abuser that I discovered it was much easier said than done to […]

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20 Ways to Protect Yourself

I shared last week, about developing a plan to leave a bad situation or relationship, but there are steps that need to be take in which to protect oneself. Some of the things I learned and discovered during this times, which I hope will help anyone in need include: Set up a post office box for mail Do not provide […]

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Preparing to Leave

The time finally arrived when I said enough is enough and I began to prepare a plan to leave. I’ll admit this was a difficult decision and I second and third guessed myself time and time again.  I often wondered if I was doing the right thing and would be able to follow through.  Yet, the situation was so bad […]

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Why does this hurt so much?

I shared last week, reasons why I stayed until I had no choice but to be honest with myself and leave. However, there was another question I had to ask myself. Why does this hurt so much? The simple answer was because I loved him, but he did not love me. There were times when I could see the enjoyment […]

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Why are you staying?

When I was in my abusive relationship, I often had people ask why are you staying? At first, the answer was “because he loves me”.  But his actions did not show he loved me. Then it was, “because I love him”, but I was miserable in this relationship and everyone could see it in my eyes. Next came, “because I […]

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Domestic Violence Series: Special Edition–Resources for You

In closing this series, I want to provide some resources for you!   National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) www.dvasc.org   Domestic Violence Assistance www.ndvh.org   National Domestic Violence Website www.health-first.org   List signs of abusive relationship http://www.thehotline.org/ www.bwjp.org   Battered Women’s Justice Project www.endabuse.org   National Health Center on Domestic Violence www.ncjfcj.org/dept/fvd   Resource Center on Domestic Violence, Child Protection and Custody   In South […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–Moving on and Starting Over

    If you’ve survived a domestic violence situation, I congratulate you!  Living through one and moving on is not easy!  However, it can be done! Moving on takes time. Move at a pace you’re comfortable with. Surround yourself with friends and family you know you can trust. Allow yourself the chance to grieve and mourn the loss of your […]

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Domestic Violence Series: Special Edition–20 Lessons Learned from Domestic Violence

  I cannot make someone else love me I’m only as worthy as I allow myself to be I am not alone There is hope God wants so much more for me Getting out and moving on will not be easy Trust can be destroyed in seconds People’s actions speak louder than their words It is much easier to react […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–7 Ways a Domestic Violent Marriage Can be Restored

Everyone hopes and wishes that their relationship could be salvaged at some point.  By the time separation comes this may not be as big of an issue. So can a domestic violent relationship be restored?  I believe they can at certain times.   When the abuser acknowledges they have a problem  When true repentance is made  When the abuser {and person […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–Formulating a Plan for the Future

Once I left my abusive relationship, I was at a loss.  Now what? The first two months, I was too numb to think or move.  However, with gentle pushes from family, I slowly returned to society. I’m not saying that healing will come this quickly.  Often it takes years to find healing.  I’m talking about just existing. However, we must […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–5 Ways to Find Healing Upon Leaving a Domestic Violence Situation

Leaving a domestic violent situation is not easy or for the faint of heart. Not only is there the loss of a marriage, but the emotional and physical pain that has to be dealt with. After my first marriage ended, I buried the pain and tried to move on.  The only thing this did was make me angry. After the […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–7 Opportunities for Escalated Anger in Domestic Violence

When a woman leaves a violent relationship is one of the most dangerous times for a woman.  Often the man is angry and will not give up until he either has his wife back or has retaliated.   Some thoughts to be aware of: Men will say or do anything necessary in order to convince you to return.  This may […]

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7 Steps in a Plan of Action to Leave Domestic Violence

I’ve been discussing safety precautions and a plan of action in leaving an abusive situation. A few other thoughts in preparing and leaving are: Pack suitcase in advance with clothes and toiletries. Have an extra set of keys made Evidence of physical abuse—take these with you, whether it is pictures, written records, police reports, etc. Pack a special toy for […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–3 Safety Precautions in leaving Domestic Violence Situation

Leaving an abusive situation is dangerous.  Often the abusive partner becomes enraged and the abuse is even more dangerous and at an all-time high. When leaving, take every precaution necessary. This includes: Leave when the abusive partner is not at home—if possible Set up a signal with a trusted neighbor or friend If spouse will be home—contact the police and […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–7 Benefits of Abuse Shelters

Abuse shelters are there to help women and children escaping an abusive relationship.  Unfortunately, many work on minuscule budgets and staff.  The shelters want to do more but are unable to due to financial concerns and lack of staff. However, shelters offer many wonderful resources.  These include:   Privacy—privacy is of the utmost urgency. A safe place– abuse shelters do […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–Why Counseling and Communication Can Make a Difference

      I’ve been discussing plans on leaving and financial tips to leave a domestic violence situation.  Today, I want to discuss staying in a relationship. I know…you’re shaking your head and wondering why. I’ll tell you…although I don’t believe anyone should live in an abusive situation, I also believe that marriage is sacred and a gift of God.  […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–10 Steps to Planning to Leave a Domestic Violence Situation

Planning to leave an abusive relationship can be very scary.  There are so many questions and so much fear playing on already frayed emotions. So how can you safely prepare to leave? Pray and ask God for wisdom–God helped me out of my situation in a way that only He could accomplish Financial planning—beginning putting small amounts of money aside […]

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Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–5 Steps to Financial Planning in leaving a Domestic Violence Situation

One important factor that prevents women from leaving a domestic violent situation is finances.  They have no way to provide for themselves and their children and feel they have no option other than to stay.   If possible, begin financially planning your escape as far in advance as possible.  I realize this isn’t always possible, but there are a few […]

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