Why does this hurt so much?

I shared last week, reasons why I stayed until I had no choice but to be honest with myself and leave.

Do you feel lost at sea?

However, there was another question I had to ask myself.

Why does this hurt so much?

The simple answer was because I loved him, but he did not love me.

There were times when I could see the enjoyment he gained from my pain.

That in itself was why it hurt so much.

The small amounts of love I was shown, was enough for me to hold on to and hope for more.  However, as time passed, I saw less and less of this love to the point he did not even seem to make an effort any longer.

Still, I held on to that hope and prayed things would improve, until they reached such a climax that I knew there was no hope for things to ever getting better.  Yet, even when I determined to leave, I hoped things would improve, as I continued to make plans and pray for direction.

Later, I realized that I loved someone that was narcissistic, schizophrenic, had split personalities, seemed possessed at times and showed no emotion to the pain he caused.

Love is patient, love is kind

When love hurts and we give our all, it is not love.

1 Corinthians 13:5-7 says, “Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done.  Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.”

Are you in a relationship that is rude, selfish and you constantly do wrong?

If so, then you understand why it hurts so much.

Why do you stay in a relationship that is bringing only harm and hurt?