Rebel to Redeemed…Sharing HIS Kind of Love
Last week, I wrote of my fear to return home. But there are times when our circumstances does not allow us to return home. Whether that is because our parents are dead or due to a falling out or due to safety issues or a variety of other issues, sometimes it isn’t possible. So, what do we do when we […]
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After years of enduring domestic violence, I was afraid of returning home. I was returning home a loser. I had made a mistake and not listened when other told me to walk away. I felt as if I’d let everyone down. Most of all I let myself down. When I returned home I was met with more unconditional love and […]
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I was so beaten down my the abuse that I was afraid to dream. Afraid to hope. After all, I was told constantly that God did not love me. My abuser wanted to do all he could to keep me down and under his control. He wanted me to lose hope. With each ounce of hope that was lost, […]
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The more abuse I endured, the more my self dignity was chipped away. Looking in the mirror one day I did not recognize who I’d become. I had no self respect, no self love and no self dignity. I had become a shell of a person. I had lost myself in the with every insult, degradation and criticism. Domestic violence […]
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One of the reasons I stayed in a domestic violence relationship for so long was because of my religious beliefs. I really struggled with leaving a marriage and obtaining a divorce due to my beliefs. I believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment that should not be taken likely. However, I tried counseling, open communication, and the numerous other techniques […]
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Last week we discussed why women returned to an abusive situation. One important factor of leaving an abuser, is having a safe place to turn. Some places to turn are: Family members—is there a family member you can stay with? Is there a family member that livesout of town or out o f state that you could stay with? Friends […]
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I lost count over the years of how many times I left my husband. I know there were two serious attempts, in which I actively sought refuge elsewhere. There were numerous accounts of when I stormed out and swore I was never returning. However with nowhere else to go and no money, I had no choice but to return. Statistics […]
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Often a person believes that no one knows they are a victim of domestic abuse. I felt that way. I believed that it was our secret and didn’t move outside of the home. I was terribly wrong in this belief. Domestic violence spills over into every part of our lives, including the workplace. Some ways that domestic violence spills over […]
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We’ve discussed why women stay, but what are some of the barriers the abuser may put in place to prevent the victim from leaving? I can tell you that the average woman leaves seven times before she stays gone for good. I lost track of the number of times I left. I know there were at least three serious attempts […]
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Abusive relationships usually escalate from single incidents to multiple incidents more often. Often a woman will think she is safe, but when she stands up for herself or tries to leave, she may discover exactly how dangerous the abuser can become. In my situation, I saw the relationship slowly dissolving. The last month we were together we could not […]
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Last week we discussed coping mechanisms victims used in an abusive relationship. Along those same lines, victims often find ways to protect themselves or their children from an outburst of violence. Some of these are: Fighting back or defying the abuser Sending children to a family member or neighbor’s home Leaving a relationship Complying or placating the abuser Lying about […]
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During my abusive relationship, I withdrew into myself for a long time. Although others tried to warn me of what was happening, I refused to see or acknowledge the hell I was living in. Some coping mechanisms victims use are: Depression Emotional withdrawal Denial Anger Apprehension Helplessness Anxiety Fear Aggression Suicide Hyper vigilance Change in eating patterns {either eats too […]
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Duncan* often knew how to push my buttons and which buttons to push in order to anger me. Often an abuser wants to insight anger to bring on another cycle of abuse. By causing anger in the victim, the abuser can blame the victim. When Duncan tried to make me angry, a few things I learned […]
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One of the questions I was often asked when I left Duncan* was, why did you stay? Finding the words to explain this is difficult. A person that has never been abused has no understanding of the mind games an abuser plays with their victim, along with the freedoms that are slowly stripped away. Below […]
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Often abusive behavior is learned. Perhaps the abuser grew up in a home and saw his mother being abused. He copied his father and may have even been abused. If the abuser is a woman, she may have been molested and abused as a child and developed a tough façade to prevent herself from being hurt. Abuse is violence. Violence […]
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Often people have misconceptions about domestic violence. Sometimes they think that women enjoy being beat, the woman is crazy or that those without money or education are the most battered. All of these are very wrong. Let’s take a look at some myths about abuse. Battered women do not enjoy it—women do not enjoy being put […]
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Last week, we discussed signs of abuse on which to be on the lookout. However, what does an abuser look like? Unfortunately, s/he does not go around wearing a shirt that says “I’m abusive,” so how do we know a person is an abuser? This is often very difficult to see {especially at first} because the abuser is so charming. […]
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Do you have a loved one that you believe might be in an abusive relationship? Are you unsure of what to look for? Today, I want to discuss some of the signs of abuse. Before we begin, I want to share a few part of my story. When I was in my abusive relationship I was terribly embarrassed. I did […]
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Often when we hear domestic violence, we think of physical violence such as hitting, pushing, shoving, punching, kicking or grabbing. However, there are many other types of violence that falls under the heading of domestic violence. Let’s take a lot at these: Emotional Abuse is constant criticism and belittling, silent treatment, name calling, insults, emotions to induce guilt and repeatedly […]
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Have you ever wanted something so bad you could taste it? Then you wonder why you can’t have it? I know I have! I grew up knowing my parents loved one another. I saw it in the way they interacted. Of course as an adolescent I was embarrassed that my parents still held hands and would kiss one another good […]
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