Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series— 9 Reasons A Woman Returns to An Abusive Situation

I lost count over the years of how many times I left my husband.  I know there were two serious attempts, in which I actively sought refuge elsewhere.

There were numerous accounts of when I stormed out and swore I was never returning.  However with nowhere else to go and no money, I had no choice but to abuse

Statistics report that on average a woman will leave her husband and return to him seven times before she stays gone for good.

So why do women return?

  1. Lack of finances—with no means of supporting oneself this is a major issue women return
  2. No Support—abusers often cut the victim off from family and friends, leaving her with no place to turn for assistance in escaping.
  3. Nowhere to go—even when a woman wants to escape, there are times when shelters and other places of safety are packed to Threatscapacity and unable to accept new arrivals.
  4. Threats—often the abuser will threaten to harm a child, pet, parent or other loved one and the victim feels she has no choice but to return. I lost track of the number of threats that I heard about what would happen if I left.  I heard the threats so many times that by the end I did not take them seriously and called his bluff, which brought everything to a head.
  5. Children—often a couple has children and the victim has no idea how she will protect and provide for her children.  The abuser may even use the children as a pawn to force the victim to do his bidding.
  6. Emotional Ties—emotional ties have been formed between the couple and even though she is treated badly, the woman is too emotionally involved to leave.Domestic violence: man threatening woman
  7. Fear—even though fear of his threats can be a huge factor, a bigger factor is fear of the unknown.  I knew what to expect if I stayed in my relationship.  I had no idea what the future held or how I would provide for myself if I were to leave.
  8. Empty Promises—the abuser will say whatever is necessary to get the victim to return.  Everything from “I’m sorry,” “I’ll stop____{gambling, drugs, cheating, etc}”, “It won’t happen again,” etc.
  9. Religious Beliefs—I was raised to believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment.  I still believe that, but I also believe that God does not intend for us to live in fear all of our lives.  Many religious are very strict on their marriage beliefs and the victim feels that she is sinning if she leaves her husband.

Join the Conversation: What reasons caused you to return to an abusive relationship?

Note: There are times when the man is the victim and woman is the abuser.

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