Topic Monday: Domestic Violence Series–Why Counseling and Communication Can Make a Difference

Stop the abuse....

Stop the abuse….

 

 

 

I’ve been discussing plans on leaving and financial tips to leave a domestic violence situation.  Today, I want to discuss staying in a relationship.

I know…you’re shaking your head and wondering why.

I’ll tell you…although I don’t believe anyone should live in an abusive situation, I also believe that marriage is sacred and a gift of God.  If there is anything that can be done and any steps that can be taken to save a marriage, I believe every effort needs to be made.

Even, if a separation is necessary during this process.

....Counseling can help

….Counseling can help

The best way to work on a relationship is to receive counseling.  When searching for counseling, search for a counselor that is familiar to working with abusive relationships.  If you’re able to find a Christian counselor on top of this, that’s even better.

I tried counseling for years and it did not work.  The entire way there I was told what to say and the entire way back I was berated for my honesty and put down for what I said.

The goal for counseling is to open up communication and work through any issues.  Sometimes these are so great and so wide that there is no hope, but other times the relationship can be saved and strengthened.

Instead of saying, “you never pick up your clothes,” “you never tell me about your day,” or “you never come home until late at night.”  Try using “I”

....open up communication

….open up communication

statements.

“I” statements, put the emphasis on your feelings and are constructive.  They sound better than the blaming that comes across with “you” statements.

“I” statements sound this way.  “I would prefer you put your clothes in the basket instead of the closet floor,” “I would enjoy hearing about your day while we eat dinner,” “I miss you when you are out late.  I wish you would come straight home after work.  I would like for us to _________ {go out to eat, see a movie, talk, etc.}

How have using “I” statements and counseling made a difference in your relationships?