Rebel to Redeemed: Nowhere to Turn
The abuse only escalated and with it my self-esteem and self-confidence were slowly eroded.
In time I lost everything I had. I was all alone and had no one to turn, other than to Duncan* and his sister, Mary*.
I had one or two co-workers that tried to warn me in the beginning, but at that time I didn’t want to listen. One co-worker even offered to help me IF I cut ALL ties with Duncan and Mary. I wish I’d taken her up on her offer, but at the time I wasn’t ready to take that step.
I was very lonely and angry. I had nowhere to turn.
The only place I had to turn was to God. He was the only person I could be honest with and share my heart. Slowly I began to cry out to him.
Many nights I cried and prayed myself to sleep, sharing my hurts and pain with God. I had no one else that cared [so I thought]. I knew from my childhood that was God was there and loved me and would not forsake me. I didn’t understand all that was happening, but I believed God would help me.
The emotional and verbal abuse slowly escalated over the next three years to involve spiritual, financial, sexual, and physical abuse.
One evening I was reading an online devotional when Duncan asked what I was doing. I told him and his words were, “God doesn’t want you to do that until you’re well.” He’d kept telling me I needed to get “Well” but could never explain what it meant. The only time he was happy was when I did exactly what he wanted and sometimes even then he wasn’t satisfied.
I knew from my upbringing that what he said about God was blasphemy. After all Romans 3:23 says, “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” We all memorize John 3:16, but the next verse says “for God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
After Duncan made that statement I began to question many things he said and did and see that there was no truth in them. I slowly began to change what I believed and how I looked at him and Mary.
Slowly, I began giving God various compartments of my life, but I was still unwilling to surrender my relationship with Duncan to him.
I had no idea that things were about to get much worse and I would have to be broken to finally surrender my heart and life to God, my father.