Praying for Our Enemies

I previously shared why we should forgive those that hurt us.  But God calls us to go even a step farther and pray for our enemies. Again, this is easier said than done. I have had several situations in which I was deeply betrayed by others I trusted and loved.  This hurt deeply.  But, I chose to forgive the and […]

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Clearing the Air with our loved ones

After two decades of struggling and bad decisions, healing and transforming my life has taken almost a decade.  I’m far from perfect and still have many areas in which I am continuing to work and improve. However, it has only been recently that conversation has began to open up between my loved ones and myself about what happened then. For […]

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We often Lash Out at Those We Love Most

When we are hurting the person we often lash out to the most is those that are closest to us. With those people, we feel free to be ourselves and show our hurt. But, it is often easy to unintentionally hurt that person in the process of our own pain. Sometimes we do not even see the pain we are […]

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Grieving for What We Don’t Have

I have always longed to have children of my own, but that has never happened.  To say that I never hurt over this loss would be an omission.  There are times when my heart breaks over this unreceived blessing. There are some hurts that are so deep and ingrained that it is difficult for other people who have that blessing […]

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When We Blame Others

Recently I had a conversation with a loved one.  A former boyfriend had recently died due to a short illness. We began to discuss the decisions this individual made and that she was better off without him.  Even before they broke up, he was making bad choices and doing things that were harmful to both himself and others.  This was […]

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Lessons When Faced with the Past

Recently, I attended a conference and was confronted with my past. No, this was not one of my abusers, however it was a reminder of a difficult and unhappy time in my life. Yet, in a very strange way I felt as if I were: Liberated from that situation Had learned the lessons I was meant to learn in that […]

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When We Should Keep Secrets

I grew up where we speak only truth.  If we told a lie, we were reprimanded and told how important it was to tell the truth.  This is still a life lesson I strive to live by. However, when I was in the abusive relationship, I was often accused of lying, even when I wasn’t. There were times when I […]

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The Weak Break the Strong

I recently heard the phrase the weak break the strong and realized just how true the statement is. While often the abuser appears to be the one that is strong, that person is the one who is weak. That person takes their insecurities, uncertainties, doubts, lack of validation and any former abuse out on the person they are abusing. This […]

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When You Are Angry At God

Last week, we discussed being alone and I shared to turn to God during that time. However, what happens when you are angry at God? If you’ve never been angry at God then bless you. However, at some point, something has happened in which you have probably been angry at God. In the Bible, Job was angry with God when […]

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When You Feel All Alone

There have been many times when I have felt all alone.  During this time depression set in and I could not seem to shake it. This was greatest when I was in my abusive relationship, but that is far from the only time I’ve felt that way.  However, that is where I’m going to focus at the moment. As I […]

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When you are cut off from all you know

While I was in my abusive relationship, I was cut off from my family and friends. This happened so slowly, that I did not even realize what was happening at first. So, how is a person cut off from family and friends? Refusing to allow any contact Cutting off phone contact Cutting off letters {either through snail mail or e-mail} […]

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The Eclipse in Our Lives

The solar eclipse will cover the area where I live later today and with it, will have gradual darkness, followed by two and a half minutes of total blackout, then the light will reappear and gradually grow brighter. This reminded me that there are similar times in our life, when our situation and world gradually grows darkness and then we […]

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9 Ways to Make It On Our Own

  I often wondered how I would make it on my own, especially after I left that difficult situation. I was blessed in that I had a family to lean on and live with for several years while I rebuilt my life. I have a friend who worked three jobs when she left her husband to make ends meet for […]

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3 Strategies To Move On From Abuser

Last week, I shared 9 strategies when you want to return to the chaos.   But, in addition to longing for the old, unhealthy patterns you may discover that you can’t stop thinking about the man you left behind. After all, you were together for years, you loved him, you may have children together, you have a past, and love does […]

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9 Strategies When You Want to Return to the Chaos

If you’ve recently left a difficult situation or relationship, do you find yourself longing to return to the chaos? I know, that sounds like a silly question. However, the situation had become so engrained in me and I had been so brain washed by the controlling of my abuser that I discovered it was much easier said than done to […]

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20 Ways to Protect Yourself

I shared last week, about developing a plan to leave a bad situation or relationship, but there are steps that need to be take in which to protect oneself. Some of the things I learned and discovered during this times, which I hope will help anyone in need include: Set up a post office box for mail Do not provide […]

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Preparing to Leave

The time finally arrived when I said enough is enough and I began to prepare a plan to leave. I’ll admit this was a difficult decision and I second and third guessed myself time and time again.  I often wondered if I was doing the right thing and would be able to follow through.  Yet, the situation was so bad […]

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Following My Beliefs

I was raised in a traditional, Christian family where marriage was meant for life.  The idea of being the first in my immediate family to divorce was a hard pill for me to swallow.  After all, I’d heard what was said about others that divorced. I was raised to believe that when you married, you remained married until death do […]

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The Financial Concern

            One of my greatest concerns to leaving my financial relationship was how I would afford to leave.  At that time, my husband took my paycheck and I was left with absolutely nothing.   Nothing that I said or did would change his mind. When I began thinking about leaving, one of my greatest concerns was […]

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Seeing Through the Lies

          From the moment I met my husband, he told me lies.  When I realized this many years later, I was angry.  I was angry at him for lying to me, but I was angry at myself for not seeing through his lies. Some of the lies were easy to discover.   Lies such as: –I was […]

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