The Weak Break the Strong

I recently heard the phrase the weak break the strong and realized just how true the statement is. While often the abuser appears to be the one that is strong, that person is the one who is weak. That person takes their insecurities, uncertainties, doubts, lack of validation and any former abuse out on the person they are abusing. This […]

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When You Are Angry At God

Last week, we discussed being alone and I shared to turn to God during that time. However, what happens when you are angry at God? If you’ve never been angry at God then bless you. However, at some point, something has happened in which you have probably been angry at God. In the Bible, Job was angry with God when […]

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When You Feel All Alone

There have been many times when I have felt all alone.  During this time depression set in and I could not seem to shake it. This was greatest when I was in my abusive relationship, but that is far from the only time I’ve felt that way.  However, that is where I’m going to focus at the moment. As I […]

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When you are cut off from all you know

While I was in my abusive relationship, I was cut off from my family and friends. This happened so slowly, that I did not even realize what was happening at first. So, how is a person cut off from family and friends? Refusing to allow any contact Cutting off phone contact Cutting off letters {either through snail mail or e-mail} […]

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The Eclipse in Our Lives

The solar eclipse will cover the area where I live later today and with it, will have gradual darkness, followed by two and a half minutes of total blackout, then the light will reappear and gradually grow brighter. This reminded me that there are similar times in our life, when our situation and world gradually grows darkness and then we […]

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9 Ways to Make It On Our Own

  I often wondered how I would make it on my own, especially after I left that difficult situation. I was blessed in that I had a family to lean on and live with for several years while I rebuilt my life. I have a friend who worked three jobs when she left her husband to make ends meet for […]

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3 Strategies To Move On From Abuser

Last week, I shared 9 strategies when you want to return to the chaos.   But, in addition to longing for the old, unhealthy patterns you may discover that you can’t stop thinking about the man you left behind. After all, you were together for years, you loved him, you may have children together, you have a past, and love does […]

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9 Strategies When You Want to Return to the Chaos

If you’ve recently left a difficult situation or relationship, do you find yourself longing to return to the chaos? I know, that sounds like a silly question. However, the situation had become so engrained in me and I had been so brain washed by the controlling of my abuser that I discovered it was much easier said than done to […]

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20 Ways to Protect Yourself

I shared last week, about developing a plan to leave a bad situation or relationship, but there are steps that need to be take in which to protect oneself. Some of the things I learned and discovered during this times, which I hope will help anyone in need include: Set up a post office box for mail Do not provide […]

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Preparing to Leave

The time finally arrived when I said enough is enough and I began to prepare a plan to leave. I’ll admit this was a difficult decision and I second and third guessed myself time and time again.  I often wondered if I was doing the right thing and would be able to follow through.  Yet, the situation was so bad […]

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Following My Beliefs

I was raised in a traditional, Christian family where marriage was meant for life.  The idea of being the first in my immediate family to divorce was a hard pill for me to swallow.  After all, I’d heard what was said about others that divorced. I was raised to believe that when you married, you remained married until death do […]

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The Financial Concern

            One of my greatest concerns to leaving my financial relationship was how I would afford to leave.  At that time, my husband took my paycheck and I was left with absolutely nothing.   Nothing that I said or did would change his mind. When I began thinking about leaving, one of my greatest concerns was […]

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Seeing Through the Lies

          From the moment I met my husband, he told me lies.  When I realized this many years later, I was angry.  I was angry at him for lying to me, but I was angry at myself for not seeing through his lies. Some of the lies were easy to discover.   Lies such as: –I was […]

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When You Never Do Right

          King David took Bathsheba as his own and when she became pregnant he had to find a quick fix.  He called her husband, Uriah the Hittite, in from the battle field. But instead of going to his wife, as David commanded, Uriah refused stating a code of honor to his fellow soldiers still on the […]

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Crying Out in Our Moment of Despair

            For three years, I suffered every kind of abuse you can imagine.  With each day, the abuse grew greater and my despair increased. Sadly, God had tried to warn me when I first entered this relationship, but I refused to heed his warning.  I thought I couldn’t live without this man. So, God gave […]

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Blinded by Beauty

            Last week, I shared a lesson from Beauty and the Beast and how love is unselfish.   This week, there is another lesson we can learn from this fairy tale.  The beast is depicted as just that, he looks like a beast, however when you look at his heart it begins to thaw and be […]

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Believing the Fairy Tale

          Growing up we read and watch multiple fairy tales that until recently always ended with “and they lived happily ever after”. I don’t know about you, but I bought into that fairy tale.  My parents had a happy marriage and my grandparents and great-grandparents {who were still living} had been married for what sounded like […]

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Why does this hurt so much?

I shared last week, reasons why I stayed until I had no choice but to be honest with myself and leave. However, there was another question I had to ask myself. Why does this hurt so much? The simple answer was because I loved him, but he did not love me. There were times when I could see the enjoyment […]

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Why are you staying?

When I was in my abusive relationship, I often had people ask why are you staying? At first, the answer was “because he loves me”.  But his actions did not show he loved me. Then it was, “because I love him”, but I was miserable in this relationship and everyone could see it in my eyes. Next came, “because I […]

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Breaking the Bonds

Breaking the bonds in an abusive relationship is not easy.  Even once I was free from my abuser, I continued to long to stay bound to my abuser.  He did everything he could to maintain contact and to continue to manipulate me once I left. Even once I broke off all communication, I still longed for him. I began to […]

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