Moving from Anger to Forgiveness

I was angry when I left my abusive relationship. I was angry at myself and at my abuser. I didn’t want to forgive him. Not after all he’d put me through. But I knew I could not allow the anger to eat away at me. I couldn’t forgive him at first, but I chose to forgive. At first it was […]

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Letting Go and Moving On

One of the most challenging issues I faced when I left my abusive relationship was to let go and move on. My heart and mind remained in the past, even though I knew getting out of the relationship was what was best for me. Letting go is not easy and I had to seek counseling to move forward. However, this […]

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When We Can’t Return Home

Last week, I wrote of my fear to return home. But there are times when our circumstances does not allow us to return home. Whether that is because our parents are dead or due to a falling out or due to safety issues or a variety of other issues, sometimes it isn’t possible. So, what do we do when we […]

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Afraid to Return Home

After years of enduring domestic violence, I was afraid of returning home. I was returning home a loser. I had made a mistake and not listened when other told me to walk away. I felt as if I’d let everyone down. Most of all I let myself down. When I returned home I was met with more unconditional love and […]

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Losing our self dignity

The more abuse I endured, the more my self dignity was chipped away. Looking in the mirror one day I did not recognize who I’d become. I had no self respect, no self love and no self dignity. I had become a shell of a person. I had lost myself in the with every insult, degradation and criticism. Domestic violence […]

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Taking Our Need to the Lord

In my abusive situation, I began to see the truth behind his lies and actions. As I turned my situation over to the Lord, I grew strong and began to stand up for myself. I could not condone the lies I’d been fed for so long or the evil in my life. I was tired of living on a roller […]

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Struggling to Let Go

Letting go is not easy. Even after a bad situation, when we want to let go, it is often easy to hold on to the past. After all, this is what is familiar. This is the life we know. This is where we are comfortable. Moving on and moving away can be scary. We are entering the unknown, even if […]

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Does the Past Define You?

Often it is easy to allow our past to define us. Could you easily say, “I was a victim…alcoholic…drug addict…enabler…rebel…” So, often it is easy to define ourselves by what we used to be. However, if you have worked hard and turned your life around, to become a strong woman and mature adult, we cannot allow the past to define […]

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Turning a Negative into a Positive

After years of being degraded and put down, it is difficult to turn turn our thought process around. However, we can change our thought process. We can take a negative and turn it into a positive. This is not easy and takes a lot of intentional work. When I was in my darkest places, I wondered if I would ever […]

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Blinded to the Truth

I recently heard Dr. Charles Stanley say “Satan always blinds you and says you will be fine without showing you the consequences.” I thought about how this related to an abusive relationship. The abuse began so subtly. Oh, there were plenty of red flags but I choose to ignore them, even when the Lord tried to warn me. I refused […]

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We Can Be Too Honest

My ex and his family, constantly harped on being honest and truthful. Yet, no matter how honest and truthful I was at times, it never seemed to be good enough. They still wanted and demanded more. In hindsight, there were times when I was too honest. Are you scratching your head? How can you be too honest? Isn’t honesty the […]

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Step Out in Faith

There was one thing that kept me from leaving an abusive relationship sooner than I did. Finances. I could not afford to leave and my abuser knew that. Actually, my abuser did everything possible to make sure I could not afford to leave. That included tightly controlling how much money I had and what I was allowed to do with […]

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Has God Forgotten me?

I’ve longed to have someone to share my life with and children of my own and it has not happened. Sometimes I want to cry out, God have you forgotten me? Both times I’ve chosen a mate, I have chosen wrong. I know others that would love to be married, but never found anyone. Still others are married, but long […]

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Why Can’t I Forgive Myself

  I’ve discovered that when I look back over my life and the mistakes I’ve made, there are considerable regrets and pains. I’ve hurt myself with my decisions and allowed myself to be hurt by others.   However, the most difficult person to forgive has been myself. Even when I forgive myself and move on there are times when the same […]

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Struggling to Forgive Others

    When we’ve been hurt, it is easy to struggle with forgiving those that hurt us. However, refusing to forgive, can be detrimental to our health. Studies show that not forgiving can lead to: High blood pressure Heart issues Anger Increased depression Chronic stress Mental illness Some ways in which we can work through our emotions towards forgiveness are: […]

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Moving from Victim to Survivor

During the process of healing, I realized that I had to move my thought process from victim to survivor. Dictionary.com describes a victim as “a person harmed, injured or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action…a person who is tricked or duped.” That is definitely true when you have been involved in a variety […]

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Knowing When to Walk Away

Have you ever had to walk away from someone you love? There are times when we have to make tough decisions. When someone we love brings physical harm or tremendous emotional pain into our lives, there are times when we have no choice but to walk away from them. This is never an easy decision to make. Only with the […]

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He Calls the Broken Hearted

Growing up in a Christian home, I knew about the love of God. I knew that he died for my sins and loved me. I had accepted Jesus into my heart when I was only five years old, but that’s not to say I always lived in a pleasing manner to my Lord, especially as an older teenager and young […]

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Abuse Can Make You Crazy

Did you know that abuse can make you crazy? A quick Google search, shows a variety of articles proving that emotional abuse can in fact lead a person to erratic behavior. This was true for me and I felt as if I were going crazy. My abuser made it all out to be my fault and even tried to make […]

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We Often Hurt Ourselves When We Hurt

When we hurt, we take it out on those that we love {and sometimes hate} the most. There are times when we hurt that we often take it out on ourselves. When I was in an abusive relationship, I dealt with the pain by taking it out on myself. While I never tried drugs, I would bite myself, over dosed […]

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